Mixed feelings.

I don't even know what to write, how to express what I'm feeling.

House is a little chaotic right now, everything everywhere, out of place, on its way to a suitcase, laundry drying, empty spaces of the furniture and appliances we've sold so far.
Boxes being taken out, labeled and packed, suitcases completed and stored in a room. Closet getting emptier and emptier.
Deciding what to take and what to leave behind is hard for me. I know I should be putting a lot more hours into the packing and cleaning so I don't have to do it rushing at the end. And I'm not procrastinating... is just that I can't bring myself to pack and choose because it means the end of this life.
I know it's being hard on both of us, it's being difficult to say good bye, to let go. I'm trying to enjoy everything the best I can... the last mornings in our place and the sun getting in through the window.
Having less and less food in the fridge and pantry is also hard. Posting your furniture on line for sale is hard. We sold the couch and the coffee table over the weekend, there is a big clear space in the living room now filled with odd things.

We still have to go through some logistics on how to ship, pack, etc... some things... I'm stressed.

And sad.

See you soon, S.

Life is changing...

Life changes all the time, but sometimes we notice more than others. There are small, light changes that happen in the every day things, as you go, and one day you realize that that cereal that you used to love and eat all the time doesn't fancy you anymore and you haven't had it in a while... or that your favorite dress, the one that you used all the time, has been hanging in your closet for 6 months without use. There is small changes that we do and have, like getting closer with a new friend or growing apart another.

And there is big, huge, complicated and life-changing changes that also happen. Sometimes planned, sometimes out of the blue. Sometimes you look forward to them, sometimes you try to avoid them like the plague.

Our life is changing... we are getting closer and closer to our final day in our loved little city in the mid-west. We are preparing to go back to Mexico and join our families there.
There is a really bittersweet taste to all of this. We are working on all the logistics of a move, more if you think that it's a move to another country. We've decided not to take our furniture and large belongings with us. We are taking "the essentials" that are still a lot of things... lots of clothes to pack, lots of yarns and baking ware to take with us. Of course my wonderful Kitchen Aid will come with us.
That means we have to sell, give away, donate, dispose, etc of a large number of things... we practically have a complete apartment full of things and comodities to live. We have a lot more than we realize.

We are trying to juggle the last few days here, with work for MG and the shop for me... visiting and farewells with good friends, last parties and walk around town. All added to the packing and all the mentioned above that needs to happen before we leave.

I'm looking forward to go to Mex, I cannot wait to see my mom and dad, my uncle and aunts and my grandma! I'm sad to leave here, but I'm looking forward to come back to visit and I have a couple of hope trips for the summer.

I have to pack some more,
See you soon!
S.

Documenting things...

Life keeps going and going... every day I write wonderful blog posts in my head about all the exciting, and not so exciting, things that happen in our lifes, but very sadly they just stay in my head.
I've been terrible about documenting our life lately. I should say almost terrible because I have taken pictures and saved the memorabilia that goes with them, but I've just been bad about recording and documenting them somewhere:: in my scrap albums, the blog, my emails to Mex, my project life... etc.

I think I feel that once I've missed an important day, an event, sometime when something worth to be recorded, happened; I can't just skip it and keep going with the documenting of the other things/days, and I have to wait until I get that first day down. Which becomes a problem because I keep living exciting things that I want to document and share -or not, maybe just for me- but then I just get paralized and feel overwhelmed at the idea of all the things I need to put down.
And then they either get lost, not scraped, not put together somewhere, not blogged... or I just make a bad, poor and short recap of all that happened in that time.

I figure that mostly I'm doing this for myself. Because I like to do it. Because I like to have a record and document of my life and the amazing things and people in it. I don't mind sharing it at all. I love when people sees what I write, or my albums with my photos and my stories... I love when they comment about it or have fun looking thru my story. But I realize now that I don't do it for them. I don't do it for someone specifically. I've always dreamed about having this records and stories of my life so my kids can see what I was like, how things where around me, who where who, what, when and why of a lot of things, and get an escence of who I am today (whenever today might be).
If my kids, or someone else, have a good time looking thru what I save, record and document... it'll be great! I'll be thankful they do and I hope they have a good time. But in the end, I'm doing it for me. Just for the pleasure of doing it. Just because I like it and I enjoy it.
And if I have a trip or a great day that I want to document and put down to enjoy it again later... I will. And I won't care if what I have to say about it is a whole book or just two lines. I won't care to "deliver" something in a timely manner. I won't stress myself over not having cool photos or the right saying for each of them. I won't care if I have a good day that is not so good and I feel like writing that I'm sad or upset, because those things also happen in life.
I'll let go of the guilt of not recording a special day. If I have time to go back to it later, it'll be great, my story will be more complete; but if I don't have time and it gets buried under other days... I won't feel guilty to skip it and continue with the other events. I might go back to it because I'd like to have it. But in the end, the whole point of this is for me to be happy and enjoy it and not to stress about it. And anyways, whatever gets down will be a part of my story. Having something down is more than a lot of people have in their whole lifes.
This is for me!
I don't have to make my life interesting for others, it is more than interesting to me!

Happy Thursday and see you soon!
S.

Happy Valentine's day!!

In Mexico we call Valentine's: day of love and friendship...
I have an amazing hubby that loves me as I could never imagine, that fills me up, comforts me, push me and gives me courage to do whatever I want to try and supports me every step of the way making me feel very safe and loved.

I have an incredible family that never lets me alone and it's there with me at all moments.

And I have awesome friends that make my life happy and wonderful.... and crazy at some times...
They called yesterday, they want me to come to Aspen in 2 days, for a week!
Most of my friends from Mex are going and I had thought about going and then decided not to go for different reasons, but they called yesterday, offered a good plan, sounded excited and got me excited!! So it looks like I'm going!

I don't know if I'll be able to snowboard (I don't know skies) because my back has been hurting for the past 2 weeks and finally we went to the doctor on Tuesday and I have 2 muscles in my back strained and pulled... and it can be very painful. I'm resting and not doing anything strenous and taking some nice pills that take the pain away, so I don't think it'll be wise to sky.
But it'll be great to see them all, to know Aspen, to be with "family". I'm really excited.
Sad for leaving MG, as he can't come with me, but we'll both be fine.

I've been crocheting, knitting a lot. writting patterns, making samples for the shop. I have a pattern being tested at Ravelry... I love that site!
I'll tell you more about the pattern when it's ready, here's a photo!

See you soon!
S.

Still Here... again!

I can't believe it's been more than a month since I blogged.
I've been thinking about it a lot, I've started several post that don't get finished and I've done lots of things that get recorded in amazing posts in my mind.

Our winter break was awesome and MG took about 10 days off work which gave us a lot of time together to play and visit and don fun things together. Lots of time with friends, lunches, dinners, board games nights, etc.
We were snowed in for a couple of days so we had to cancel a trip we had planned to Indy for 3 days because all the roads were closed and places, museums, shops and more were closed, so there was no point. Happily we were able to get a refund!

The snow days were cold but fun... I like the look of it and I love to write messages on it. MG was the happiest getting a shovel and going out to shovel parking spaces in our apartments lot just for recreational shoveling... and I was the happiest going to the corner of houses, sheds, balconies and such were icicles had grown to take them down and play with them. It makes me sooo happy!!! I love icicles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then we started the year with all the arrangements of leaving this loved place to go back to Mexico and seeing the deadline of our time here approach....... and then chaos.
At the end it was our decision due to a series of different misunderstandings and unfortunate series of events, but MG's prospect job fell trough, so now we are back to the look out for a job... deciding if we go straight back home, if we extend here, if he applies for another job here, is there a chance of this, of that or any other thing... talking to people here, in Mexico, and it has just been a full, stressful, emotional roller coaster in the past couple of weeks.
We are both stressed, trying to make the best of it, and so far the only "sure thing" is that we have extended our stay here for a little more. Still everything is pretty hectic around here and it's been hard to take my mind of it and be on top of my game.

My knitting and crochet are growing and I've enjoyed a lot this month at the shop, which being my last one (as it was supposed to be) I've had lots of classes and activities. They were so awesome to name January "Shanti's Month" so all my project based classes were free this month as a farewell which brought so many people in so I could share this craft I love so much.

I miss my mom a lot and I'm thinking about joining my friends (from Mexico) in Aspen for a week of fun next month... I cut my hair again and did red highlights which I love!

Also, I started Weight Watchers... trying to eat healthier, less, more water, more exercise...

Just a lot of things at the same time... but this is life! and I'm sure soon will be amazing, even more!

Thank you for your company here!
See you soon!
S.